503 Days – 10 Things

I keep opening and closing the tab to write an entry every 5 days or so. I feel like there isn’t much to say, but also so much to say that I don’t even want to start. So here’s my quick bullet list of things I want to write about “soon”, so that another 200 days don’t slip by with nothing.

1. I’ve been sober for over half of my youngest daughter’s life!
2. My last post was about Wellbutrin and quitting smoking. I stopped taking it after about a month, because I stopped caring about quitting.
3. I later quit smoking successfully. And although I’ve done that before. . .this time I know I won’t start again! I read the Allan Carr book again, and put out my last cigarette 68 days ago.
4. My family finances are under control. I haven’t had control over my finances *ever*. Paying bills was something that happened between being flush with cash on payday, and broke a week later.
5. My credit (which I ruined by being irresponsible and impulsive) is improving, which is SO FUN to watch!
6. The holidays were wonderful and magical and I was so happy when they were over.
7. I’ve met new people and friends as a person that doesn’t drink. I’ve also gotten comfortable with being a “person that doesn’t drink”. I love reading old posts because I stressed out SO MUCH about what to say about not drinking. It doesn’t scare or phase me at all anymore. I say “I don’t drink” and people sometimes have a question or two, but I find them to be very easy questions to answer.
8. I have an overwhelming sense of contentment lately. I feel like my life restarted with sobriety, and I’m catching up on so many things I missed before. 10/10, highly recommend.
9. I used to think drinking relaxed me and allowed me to escape. It was a “treat” to myself, a “guilty pleasure” that I could laugh about. This is a lie. Alcohol could have ruined my life, and I will be thankful every day that somehow the stars aligned and I got my shit together.
10. Out of all the reasons I had to convince myself that I could/should stop drinking, my kids were one of the biggest. The fear of being a drunk mom terrified me and made me embarrassed in advance of it actually happening. Before my daughters could talk, I’d imagine them saying “Mom/Jenn was so drunk last night!” and I’d imagine them laughing and rolling their eyes like my sisters do about our own mother. As of 90-ish days ago. . . my own mother decided that she never wanted to be a drunk grandmother, and she quit drinking! I am SO proud of her! Witnessing my sobriety helped her find her path, or at least she tells me that. She might be lying because she’s my mom and she probably wants to make me feel good, which is okay because I do the same thing for my kids when the “help” me cook. Bottom line is. . . my mom stopped drinking wine, and I’m so fucking proud of her that I’m smiling at my laptop screen like a big dummy and I don’t even care.

That’s 10! My bullet list post is complete and I’m hitting post before I decide to fidget or change anything. I’d really like to get back to posting more often because I missed it!