Day 253 Lazy Lazy Jane

There’s a dental procedure called Open and Medicate. It’s a procedure performed on an infected tooth. The patient walks, or limps (yes, people sometimes limp their teeth hurt so bad), into the office, has the procedure, and leaves their pain behind. A temporary measure that gives the tooth a chance to calm down before a root canal is done.

The point is, it’s a quick-fix between point A (infected painful tooth), and point B (fully restored tooth). Well, I decided that I needed something like that to get me from point A (smoker, about a pack a day), to point B (non-smoker). I’ve been waiting for inspiration to hit. For me to find that umph to make room in my head to focus on quitting. I’m Lazy Jane, waiting for myself to just do the damn thing already.

 

The skies are clear and the sun is shining!  -The Universe

 

I decided to put aside my pride and ask for help. An Open and Medicate for my brain to give me a boost towards my goal. I originally asked my doctor for Chantix, but she insisted I start Wellbutrin first. She said it had something to do with the insurance (I have an HMO) wanting to see an attempt with Wellbutrin first, before they’d approve it, but also that she wanted me to give it a shot before the big guns come out. “But, I’m not depressed! I thrive off of pressure! I cannot afford to become complacent!” I’m terrified of drugs like these, guys. I will tell people until I’m blue in the face that they are a positive thing for many many people, but for me? I just never thought I’d take them. I always thought I could grit my teeth and get through anything. . . but my kids get older every day, and every day is another chance for a cell in my lungs to start to morph.

I told myself when I stopped drinking that I would focus on two other major changes later. I would worry about exercising and quitting smoking once I had managed to stop drinking. So here I am, 8 months into sobriety and I can honestly say I’m rock solid in sobriety. I just can’t seem to kick the bad habit or pick up the good one.

So, here I am. Another Day 1. Day 1 of antidepressants! Day 1 of me taking my own advice and doing whatever I need to do to take care of myself. Day 1 of Lazy Jane walking to find herself some damn water. Except not actually walking very far or very fast because I am giving myself time to focus on this, and I’ll start exercising later.