Day 131, 4ish months?!

I feel like a veteran. Like I’ve been sober for years. Like I am so incredibly solid in this sobriety thing, and I will never falter.

In 2014, I went about 4 months without smoking. I quit with the help of Allen Carr’s book, and then I went on a vacation. I was first with my now-sober sister, and we drank together but somehow I didn’t smoke. I was then with a group of friends in a house together for a few days, several of them smokers. I lasted about 3 days, and then I bummed a smoke. “Just one!” I told myself. Within a day or two I was back in the saddle as a full time smoker again. *sigh*

I’ve always carried around this mental picture of who I wanted to be. I’d sit on my patio, smoking and drinking, and picturing this mom in running clothes because she actually ran that morning. She’s active and full of energy, a bit hectic, but she’s getting it all done. She cooks meals from real food, and the microwave sits untouched. No one drinks, no one smokes, and while the family looks busy, they look loved and well cared for. Their problems are manageable, and come from outside of this little core of people. They all sit down for dinner together, and they all talk to each other. They laugh and make faces at each other.

I’ll be 6 months sober very soon. I have no intention of drinking again, ever. I am excited and happy with myself and this very big step to getting to my dream. None of those other things can be real without sobriety, so I know I’m well on my way to building that family. I’m starting to get better at other things in my life. My house is starting to come together, my job is going well, my marriage is okay.

However, these 4ish months I’ve packed on the pounds, I’m smoking way too much, and I almost never get exercise. I glimpsed a picture of myself from behind and realized even my arms are getting pudgy. So in the next 19 days, I’m going to focus on making another change for the better. Slowly, and probably painfully (who am I kidding, it’s definitely gonna hurt!) I’m going to start running again. I’m thankful that going through sobriety has truly made me embrace one day at a time. My mental picture can happen, I can do it and I’ll get there. Ready for the next step, starting soon!





14 thoughts on “Day 131, 4ish months?!

  1. Yeah you!! You’re so inspiring! Your mental picture CAN and WILL happen, and I hope it’s not too painful initially, lol. I couldn’t believe it when I started running again – *pant* *pant* ouch, ouch.. holy hell why do my knees crack like that? *trip* *stumble* *nervous giggle* am I losing feeling in one of my legs? 😉 I picked up a Jawbone Up from Walmart – it’s a cheap version of a Fitbit, and great for tracking steps and sleep!


  2. We can start together, I’ve picked up so much since I stopped drinking and I need to quit the cigarettes too. I’m going to try stop smoking first then add in exercise. It’s going to hurt but it will be worth it! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been going back and forth on what to tackle next! Smoking or exercising? The perfectionist part of me is like “omg, do both NOW! And start cooking all meals from scratch! And keep your house spotless! DO ALL THE THINGS!!” and the other me is like “pfffffttttttt, eat Jack In The Box on the couch and live in squalor because it’s easier” so I figure the middle right now is “just start running a bit, and everything will follow. That’s enough for now, you sober bitch, you’re fabulous”.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Congrats on your sobriety. Easy does it. I’m in that place all the time. Thinking about what it will be like to have X years of sobriety. That’s not a good place for me to be because it takes me out of TODAY! And that’s where I need to be to stay sober. Anyway, awesome post, and congrats again!


  4. Congrats on your sober time!

    I think a lot of us have that perfect ideal…I certainly do. The problem is that life gets in the way! Just when I think I have it all figured out (hint: I never do), something comes out of left field to say “oh yeah, punk? Feast your eyes on THIS” and then I’m knee deep in something else.

    One thing I have learned, but need constant refresher courses on, is that I am where I need to be. My life isn’t a scorecard or exam in which I tick things off, or organize like my kitchen cabinets (hint: they’re a mess still.) I have to look at the fluidity of it all, and pick my battles. I got into running a few years ago, but I can’t always do it. There are times when I can ahead on some stuff, but have to hold off on others. It’s never going to be a perfect way of living, but it’s a sober and heartfelt way. A big difference from how it used to be.

    The smoking and such don’t have to do in one fell swoop. Bite sized chunks! That is the advice I have to give myself when I feel that things aren’t going “to plan” 🙂



  5. Congrats on your sobriety you should be very proud of yourself for that accomplishment. I just started a blog and would greatly appreciate it if you would follow me or check out my blog on vaping. Either way thank you for your inspirational writings.


  6. Congratulations on your continued success. I’ve been sober since Jan 1st, and it feels wonderful. This is not my first period of sobriety. I was sober for almost 1.5 years, and it started creeping in again until I was once again a daily vodka drinker. Lots of vodka.

    I’ve noticed that you haven’t mentioned AA. Fine with me – I have no love for the program. However, the program is so overwhemingly dominant when it comes to treatment for alcoholism. Whatever works, though.

    I take a med called Naltrexone. Decreases cravings, and if I do drink, it makes it a pretty crummy experience. Nothing extreme like Antabuse (no vomiting), but it’s been working well for me. Just tossing that out there as a possible resource if times get really hard.

    You owe it to yourself to experience life to the fullest, and we both know that’s impossible with alcohol in our lives.

    Take care!


    1. I have been to exactly one AA meeting, and have nothing but respect for the organization. My struggles at that point were with moderation, and I toyed with the idea of sobriety, but it was too scary. By the time I reached September of 2016, I was finally ending the denial that my drinking could be controlled, and I had spent a lot of time reading blogs and other works by sober authors. Had I not had them in my pocket, I think I definitely would be a frequent attendee at local AA chapters!

      Great for you to seek out and utilize the resources that work best for you! I have never tried any of the “drinking meds” so to speak, but I know they work and I feel so lucky to live in a world with those options. Great job on your journey, and I hope to check out your writing soon!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s