Day 131, 4ish months?!

I feel like a veteran. Like I’ve been sober for years. Like I am so incredibly solid in this sobriety thing, and I will never falter.

In 2014, I went about 4 months without smoking. I quit with the help of Allen Carr’s book, and then I went on a vacation. I was first with my now-sober sister, and we drank together but somehow I didn’t smoke. I was then with a group of friends in a house together for a few days, several of them smokers. I lasted about 3 days, and then I bummed a smoke. “Just one!” I told myself. Within a day or two I was back in the saddle as a full time smoker again. *sigh*

I’ve always carried around this mental picture of who I wanted to be. I’d sit on my patio, smoking and drinking, and picturing this mom in running clothes because she actually ran that morning. She’s active and full of energy, a bit hectic, but she’s getting it all done. She cooks meals from real food, and the microwave sits untouched. No one drinks, no one smokes, and while the family looks busy, they look loved and well cared for. Their problems are manageable, and come from outside of this little core of people. They all sit down for dinner together, and they all talk to each other. They laugh and make faces at each other.

I’ll be 6 months sober very soon. I have no intention of drinking again, ever. I am excited and happy with myself and this very big step to getting to my dream. None of those other things can be real without sobriety, so I know I’m well on my way to building that family. I’m starting to get better at other things in my life. My house is starting to come together, my job is going well, my marriage is okay.

However, these 4ish months I’ve packed on the pounds, I’m smoking way too much, and I almost never get exercise. I glimpsed a picture of myself from behind and realized even my arms are getting pudgy. So in the next 19 days, I’m going to focus on making another change for the better. Slowly, and probably painfully (who am I kidding, it’s definitely gonna hurt!) I’m going to start running again. I’m thankful that going through sobriety has truly made me embrace one day at a time. My mental picture can happen, I can do it and I’ll get there. Ready for the next step, starting soon!